Whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want
06/28/2010 1 Comment
Sorry folks, its super happy awesome Crunch Time here at Treyarch – and I won’t have the time (let alone the day off) to do any cooking. I’ll be doing updates as possible, but in the meantime, I present some funny pics.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I never trusted that honey bear
Stupid smug lil flowers...judging...waiting...
Just ask the guy in the floral sweater
06/22/2010 3 Comments
I love my dad.
Many folks say their either a momma’s boy or daddy’s boy or whatever – personally, I love them equally. When I’m with my mom, I’m a momma’s boy – and vice versa with my pops.
So I like to do whatever I can for them to show my appreciation. Honestly, I think celebrating my birthday’s silly – WTF did I do? Shit, I actually tried to strangle myself in the womb, so its not like a whole lot of work went into my birth from my end. That was all my Mama, and partially my dad, so my birthday really should be me thanking them profusely for not just saying ‘fuck it lets try again next year’ since I was such a little pain.
Anyway, I digress. Last Saturday I picked up my dad’s dog Ralphie (sweet old boxer) and headed down to San Diego to see my dad.
From left to right - Ralphie, Myrddin (mer-thin), and Lady
This one’s for you Pops.
The Pieces
Prep Time: 20-25 minutes
Cook Time: 40-45 minutes
Feeds: 3-4 people
The Puzzle
1. Preheat oven to 375
2. finely dice (very nearly mince) all your veggies except the kalamata’s. We want these roughly chopped.
3. Combine eggs, half and half, cheese curds, olives in a bowl and whip together vigorously
4. In a pan on high heat, saute your finely diced veggies with some oil, 1 tsp cayenne, and some fresh cracked black pepper until see through. No more than 5 minutes
5. In a deep casserole dish, ideally 7x7x4, place your sauteed veggies
6. top with the egg mixture and lightly combine. We still want most of the veggies on the bottom
I had some extra cloth bound cheddar sitting around, which i crumbled on top
7. Stick it in the oven for about 40 minutes, or until a knife stuck in the center comes out completely clean. It should puff up considerably.
8. Once done, let stand at room temperature at least 10 minutes
9. For an extra special kick, serve with tzatziki sauce. I’ll be doing my own version of this soon enough.
10. Remind your father just how much you love him, and enjoy!
YUMMM
06/19/2010 3 Comments
Its official. I fucking hate pot stickers.
Up until Wednesday they were my favorite appetizer – any chance I had, any quasi Chinese restaurant I’d go to, I’d order them. So it would follow that I’d enjoy cooking them, right?
No. Nononono. A thousand times no.
3 hours later, I’m pissed off, sweaty, and likely dehydrated thanks to all the salt I’d consumed.
APPARENTLY these are meant to be a group endeavor, not taken on by one man dead set on making as many pot stickers as he had filling of which he made WAY TOO MUCH.
I’ll add the recipe when I’m not so pissed. But I don’t recommend you make them, not at all, unless you’re some masochistic freak.
06/15/2010 3 Comments
Recently I’ve come to relish my lazy Sundays. Given i’m often working the day before, its the only day I have to relax and pretend for a moment life isn’t so incredibly stressful. Sit outside in the afternoon sunlight with a refreshing cocktail or craft beer, read a book, and in the words of the immortal Tim Leary “Turn on, tune in, drop out”. So there I was with my BFF (grief me later, k?) Brandon craving veggies – raw, simple, no complex or cultured proteins. The reason I went vegetarian in the first fucking place – also, it occurred to me I have yet to share my stir fry recipe with ya’ll. Nothing particularly remarkable about this one, except that I cooked it, which makes it awesome.
So, yeah, you should do it.
First off – do you have a Wok? No?
Don’t fuck with me. Go out and buy one, then come back – its a goddamn necessity, not just for stir fry’s, but all kinds of fun kitchen related activities. Since I’m a younger male adult, I went with a standard flat bottomed non stick version (very Westernized, but works much better on these shitty stoves). If you can handle it, go high carbon or go home.
The Pieces
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes tops
Feeds: 2-3 people
Still waiting on the new fancy cutting board 
The Puzzle
1. Combine your liquid ingredients (sesame oil, red wine vinegar, soy sauce, sambal) with your paprika, salt, and pepper. Chill in the fridge to allow the flavors to combine
2. Julienne all of your vegetables. We’re looking for match stick style here – no more than 1/4 inch thickness, although the cabbage can be longer. And be sure to de-rib/seed your peppers
3. Heat 2 tbsp Olive Oil in your wok – just before it begins smoking, so it shimmers
4. Cook your rice as per usual. It won’t be cooking in the wok, so make sure its to desired doneness.
5. Throw your veggies into the super hot wok
I know what you're thinking - beautiful hands. Before you ask, I've already turned down several watch modeling jobs to pursue an illustrious career in...food...blogging?
6. Stir constantly, without reducing the heat. We’re looking to impart ‘Wok Hei’, or the essence of the wok, to these tasty lil veggies, and this requires a bit of work.
BAM - Wok action shot
7. Throw a bit of your sauce on (not too much, or it’ll steam) and when the carrots are just barely translucent remove from the heat.
8. Serve over rice immediately and top with desired quantity of sauce.
See, that steam, that smell – THAT is Wok Hei. Hard to really achieve, but if you do, you’ll know immediately. Special stuff.
Oh! Special Bonus Recipe Round
Perfect Potato Wedges
Gonna keep this short/sweet.
Slice however many Russet’s you like into wedges, thusly, and dust with rosemary and olive oil.
I was going to bake them, but that ended horribly...pan fry for great success!
Pan fry them in enough Olive Oil to coat each wedge until golden brown and AWESOME.
Next…dust with that delicious Truffle Salt I convinced you to buy already.
Bask in your friends adoration at how quickly you whipped up the best potato wedge thats ever graced their lips.
06/10/2010 4 Comments
So I recently read ‘The Last Question‘ by Isaac Asimov. Its a short story written in 1956 dealing with the concept of entropy and implying another justification for our existence – you can find the entirety of the text in the link above, I highly recommend you read it.
Ever since I’ve been plagued by this thought, this idea, that entropy seems to be the only true method to measure change, and consequently time.
Popularly speaking, there are two concepts of time, cyclical or linear, circle or straight line – in one interpretation this has all happened before, and will again, small variations on a theme, until we break free of the cycle. To the Hindu’s, this is reaching ‘Atman’ – call it what you will, I’m not interested in discussing religion. That’s a whole other discussion entirely.
Whether its a circle or a line, think about how you actually measure the passage of time…can it be done empirically? Perhaps. Given the absence of sensory input, how is one aware that time has passed? Firstly, this can only be done once the senses are regained. Following this, one evaluates their surroundings. If time has passed, the only way you’ll know is through the perception of CHANGE.
Now, Entropy.
“en·tro·py
//
(
n
tr
-p
)n. pl. en·tro·pies
06/07/2010 6 Comments
So for those unaware, last Wednesday was my birthday.
*pauses for applause*
After enough text messages and calls though, I had to acquiesce and throw myself a party. My poor non vegetarian friends would get another chance to sample some more of my awesomeness, and I’d get an excuse to clean the townhome and cook some more recent ideas.
I received the first idea from Lindsay over at The Kitchen Opera’s, and wanted to do some phyllo dough ‘nests’ filled with herbed Chevre and caramelized onions, topped with balsamic reduction and truffle salt.
Phyllo fuck ups
The Pieces
Prep Time: 5 minutes, unless you suck that hard at cutting onions, then its 10
Cook Time: nearly an hour, all told
Feeds: About 6 drunks and 2 stoners. If I had to guess.
The Puzzle
Theres a reason I call this ‘recipe’ Phyllo Fuck ups. I fucked up. The original idea had been to use a muffin tin, place a few sheets of Phyllo inside, and have cute little nests.
Turns out I don’t have a muffin tin.
How this happened, I’m not entirely sure, but in a fit of improvisation I just used a few cookie sheets, and layered the nests so they were closer to sandwiches. So it wasn’t a complete disaster…just didn’t turn out quite as pretty as I’d hoped for
Lets be quaint and call this 'not the best presentation ever'
0. Preheat your oven to 400
1. Dice your onions (all four)
2. Heat your 1/4 cup of oil in a large flat bottomed pan – once its hot, but not smoking, reduce the heat to medium-high
3. Add the diced onions.
4. Stirring every 5 minutes or so, cook for about 30 minutes. By this time the onions should be quite wilted and browned
5. Add 1 tbsp sugar and stir to coat. Cook for another 10 minutes or until nearly black and sweetly caramelized. Set aside
6. Tear a bunch of phyllo sheets to create a 3″ square bed
7. Form your assembly line, pictured below.
8. For each pasty, fill with a decent amount (no more than 2 tbsp) onion, top with crumbled Chevre, then finally a phyllo ‘hat’
9. For your cooking sheet – even if its nonstick, spray it down. Then once the pastries are placed on top, spray again for that golden brown color
10. Bake until golden brown, or about 10 minutes – during this time, make your balsamic reduction by simmering the vinegar with the last tbsp of sugar until reduced by half
Laura taking point on the balsamic reduction...in a rather stabby way
11. Once the pastries are done, drizzle with reduction, top with your crazy ass expensive truffle salt I just convinced you to buy because it will change your life and enjoy!
I’m kind of glad to get that one out of the way. Don’t get me wrong, they were tasty – damn tasty – but just…a mess.
Breaded Tofu Squares with Spicy Peanut Slaw
So, even before I started those little piles of fail, I’d gotten my tofu ready for the finale by marinating the slices in a mixture of peanut sauce, soy sauce, and Sriracha (affectionately referred to as ‘Cock Sauce’ around the house). The sauce was simple, the prep time low, and presentation was quite nice. Definite success.
The Pieces – Sauce (use half for marinade)
12 ounces pre made thai peanut sauce.
8 ounces low sodium Soy Sauce
4 ounces Sriracha (or more depending on how spicy you like it)
The Rest of the Pieces
8 oz bag of Panko Bread Crumbs
2 12 oz packages Extra Firm Tofu
1 fresh cucumber (although I guess ‘fresh’ is a given. Unless it was a pickle…)
1 16 oz package Broccoli Slaw
2 tbsp Olive Oil
The Puzzle
0. Toss your broccoli slaw with your sauce (this is half the mixture I listed in the ‘sauce’ section) and set in the fridge for at least 30 mins
1. Drain your tofu. Slice it in half horizontally, then cut vertically to achieve squares. Line up in your casserole pan, pour the marinade on top, as pictured.
If you don't have enough marinade using half, add more soy sauce
2. Once the tofu has marinated for at least an hour, dredge it in panko breadcrumbs
Whats with the hammer, you say? Good question
3. Heat your oil in a large flat bottomed pan and pan fry the tofu in batches til golden brown on each side
4. While this is happening, slice your cucumber thinly and as your squares come out of the pan, top them with one cucumber slice
5. After all the Tofu’s been cooked, top with a cute little pile of the broccoli slaw, thusly:
Let cool in the fridge for about 5 minutes, and enjoy!
I’ll be linking some new pics here so check ‘em out!
06/03/2010 2 Comments
mmm…yeah baby…
Can you feel it?
Yea, you feel it.
Now run your hands down your hips…and pull off those ribs. A little lower, tease those seeds out and toss ‘em on the floor, lets slip into something a little more comfortable.
Like…another pepper. Kinky, right?
Just wait.
The Pieces
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook time: About an hour
That watermelon in the back was frozen and juiced for dessert - FUCK YES I RULE
Serves: A shitload of drunk people. 12 or so.
The Puzzle
Now, there are two ways you can do this: Vegan and Vegetarian. I went for the vegetarian route, since I had some left over cheese (think gouda infused with black truffle, look me in the eye, and TRY TO SAY NO), but if you leave this out you’ve got a damn tasty vegan dish on your hands
0. Preheat your oven to 375
1. Start chopping. Brunoise your carrots, celery, jalapeno (nifty trick here – slice in half lengthwise, then use a spoon to scoop out seeds and ribs), dice your onion, hull your peas, then open up your bell peppers end to end as shown in the pic below. Remove the seeds and ribs here as well, but leave the stems for effect. Looks nifty, and Jaime Oliver did it, so its cool.
Watermelon's in the freezer now, chillin
2. Boil your rice until its nearly done, but not quite, and set aside
3. Toast your pistachios. Use a nonstick pan on high heat, and toss constantly or they will burn. And you don’t want to be THAT asshole at the party.
4. Let the pistachios cool – you’ll need to crush them up later. I’d suggest pulsing in a food processor a few times – I had to use a fucking lemon juicer, and I don’t want to talk about how that went.
5. In another wider pan, with a lip on the sides at least an inch high, heat your oil til its nice and shimmery. Now the dangerous step…if you have plastic gloves, use ‘em. If you have a vent above your stove…turn it on NOW. Seriously. I want you to break the habaneros in half…and put them in the oil. Just for a few minutes, long enough to season the oil, then get that shit out, or you’ll light your face on capsacin fire.
6. Add all your chopped veggies (NOT the rice/bell peppers. Don’t be silly now.)
7. Once the onion’s translucent, add your spices. Let them coat the veggies, then ‘deglaze’ by adding your veggie stock, followed by the rice.
8. Cook this down til nicely combined, about 5-10 minutes on medium high heat, then (if vegetarian) add the burrata
9. Stuff into your pepper halves, and line them up on either a baking sheet or ideally in a casserole dish thats been lightly oiled
10. Grate whatever cheese you like on top (remember that truffle infused gouda? OH YEAH)
So purty
11. Bake for about an hour, or until crispy crunchy.
Taken in a great hurry, as they were disappearing fast...
I started this blog on a whim, an artistical outlet to keep me sane. Its blossomed into much more - an opportunity to express myself, and share some of my knowledge. Its vulgar, often vile, offensive and downright bothersome.
But I love it. And so will you.
